I know a place where no cars go

The arcade fire was right, my body is a cage and my mind holds the key. But the only problem is that I can´t find that key. I have a bomb ready to explode. I don´t know how, or where will it be. My head is twisted in dark thoughts, in dark nights that don´t seem to dissapear. But I have a vision, of how things should be... how they should be...

Dreaming is what I do, for things I can have, for things I can´t have. Either way, dreaming is what I do. It makes me sad and it makes me happy, and right in the middle I stand... the middle between night and day, on a permanent sunset, on a permanent fear, on a permanent questioning...

I need a place to go, I need a place to land... I need a place where I can rest from all the rain, where I can peacefully sleep, without wondering if things will be the same when I wake up, I need to find a place that makes me feel safe, no matter if it breaks apart, away from my dreams and my thoughts, a place I can touch, a place that can touch me back, that makes me feel what I need to feel without explanations...

and he is right when he says: "set my body free"...



"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.”

If this is a dream

If this is a dream
Don´t ever wake me up
I wanna live here forever
Forever… forever…

Never felt more safe
Never felt so completed
Never felt so happy
Never felt so patient
Never felt such love
Never gave myself this much before…
Like I do now…

Never heard so much in the silence
Never understood so much in one look
Never felt my cells exploding before…
Like they did 5 days ago…

Never loved someone else’s eyes
Never loved someone else’s body
Never kissed someone else’s lips
Like I do yours… Like I do yours…

I need no answers
I have no more questions
Cause all that I had
Were cleared the day I met you…

Stars aligned in cleared sky
I know that you´re mine
I know that you´re mine…
And I promise
In the dark that no one dares to see
In the hidden rooms were truth lies and butterflies lives
That my wasted heart you have forever…
And when the blooming summer ends
And the stabbing winter comes
I´ll be by your side,
If I survive
If I´m still alive…

…You´ll be mine…

"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.”

Hoy es un día en que todos recuerdan a aquellos que se han ido de este mundo, aquellos que recuerdan porque han marcado su vida de alguna manera y que se fueron por alguna razón que no entendemos de este mundo. Todas esas personas, me pregunto donde estaran... Muchos creemos en el cielo, pero a veces a mi me cuesta creer...
No quisiera olvidarme de todos aquellos que han pasado por mi vida, aunque sea un pequeño instante, o aunque sea por 10 años, porque esos recuerdos me hacen sentir que he vivido, aunque ya no esten, o aunque aún esten...
Yo recuerdo a mis abuelos, de una forma vaga, pues no pude amarlos porque no supe como. Quisiera haber sentido el amor de ellos, el amor de alguien mas de una forma diferente. Quisiera poder tener a mis primos y tíos, y aunque no estan muertos, están muy lejos, y a veces quisiera tenerlos cerca de mi para compartir, para tener más opciones en quien confiar, y los extraño, pero prefiero no pensar en eso, porque se que nada va a cambiar...
Aunque no he perdido a nadie cercano a mi corazón, he perdido otras cosas, que quisiera tener, que quisera encontrar.





"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.”

Otro año más...

Un año más, que empieza en otro orden, que termina de otra forma. Un año mas, con nuevas ideas, nuevas cosas que vivir, nuevas cosas que sentir. Un año en realidad no es mucho. Puedo contar con los dedos de mi mano los recuerdos que permanecen en mi mente. Lo demás no existe. Nuevas cosas que aprender. Ahora soy, lo que todos estos años he vivido, y seré en otros años más, alguien que será muy distinta de la que conozco hoy. Seguramente, o solo cambiarán las arrugas en mi frente, y quizás permanezca igual por dentro. No lo se. Es mejor no intentar encontrarle lógica a la incertidumbre, porque puedes resultar más perdido de lo que ya estás. Prefiero no pensar en eso. Prefiero pensar en las cosas por las que lucho todos los días, en aquellas personas que dejan una marca en mi corazón, en los días soleados que me gusta caminar, en las lluvias que me gusta ver tras las ventanas, en los pájaros... Por el momento, empezaré a vivir este otro año, sea como sea y venga lo que venga, espero solo cosas buenas, hasta que venga el siguiente, y el que sigue después...

Feliz cumpleaños.

"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.”

Melpomene - Kashmir

Something
tells me that I'm left without a chance
in my suspicious attempts to get him close
enough to close my lips around his smile
now I can't close my eyes when he's around
and he's around
passing like the wind that shapes the clouds
he is around,
he is around
i don't know
how but suddenly it has been a while
and we're been walking in through that same front door
undressing like there were no parts to hide
and calling each other names we never had
you never heard
and then an unexpected turnand we hit the kerb
a stupid term, a fatal word

Flutter boy
killing me with his sunshine
sunshine
he's so unaware
that he's my melpomene...

you broke the code just like i'm sure you always do without intentions but I knowthat's how I broke away from you now that the clouds are obsolete I hope you landed on your feet without those evil demons keeping you reminding of...the war they pulled us through as fragile hearts ran short of glue as we're both running out of time and seek to drown the fact in wine it should be honest and naive like we should give, we should receive I must be jaded fading out of fuction into solitude...

Flutter boy
killing me with his sunshine
sunshine
he's so unaware
that he's my melpomene
he's so unaware
that he's my melpomene

"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.”

He...

He likes to walk free. And everytime he walks next to me I want to have his hand in mine...

He likes to see the world. And everytime he does, I just want to see myself through him...

He likes to tell stories. And everytime he does, sometimes I don´t listen, sometimes I can´t hear a thing he is saying, I just see his lips moving, silence... and a voice in my head telling me "how perfect can you be?" He don´t think of me as much as I think of him. But if he could count the minutes I dream of him during the day, the day itself wouldn´t be enough... He don´t need me that much. Me instead, need his lips and his arms and his jokes and his voice and his body his smile and everything he is to feel alive.

He rises his eyebrows when he is serious. He likes to walk with his hands on his pockets. He likes to talk about a lot of things, my favorites are when he is simply funny. He has a very thin body, (I just want to have it in my arms every second). When he is sitted, he likes to put his hands on his face, I don´t know why, but he looks lovely. He don´t know that when he is looking somewhere else, I stare at his hands, and think: "how I wish I was everything he wants to see". And when he is sitted, and he takes my hand, my heart goes to the sun and to the stars and its still there. He don´t know that when we are watching tv, I just want to take the remote off his hands, and be inside his arms, and breath his air, and see his beautiful eyes, and kiss him like the first time, and kiss him like we do...

The day is not enough to be with you. When we´re apart, I want to be with you again and again, and never be away. Sometimes I want to say things do things I don´t because I feel like is not the right time, and that the right time will come. Sometimes I´m afraid of loving you so much, and that you don´t love me the same. But the truth is, that I´m falling so hard for you. I love you. I completely adore you. I don´t even have words that can describe the way you make me feel. There isn´t. The truth is, I want to love you like I´ve never loved anyone. I want to feel like there´s no evil between us. I want to love you with any regret. I want to love you with all my heart and soul. I want you to be the only thing I want to remember.

This might be too soon. Wheater is for some time, or forever (which I hope), this thing between you and me, to me is just.... perfect, like I said before, It just can´t get any better...

Yes Im a little girl, I´m naive, I need to grow up still. I might be little and everything, but believe me, I have a big heart with your name being written all over. I madly love you.

This is a dangerous thing. Love is a dangerous game. But I´m willing to take that risk. Are you?

"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.”

Evolución

El cambio, viene en cada momento, en cada segundo. Seguramente he cambiado, no soy la misma de hace 5 años, ni la misma hace 3 ni la misma hace 1 año. Seguro he cambiado. Seguro algunas personas no cambian, y son lo mismo, y sienten lo mismo todo el tiempo. Sin embargo yo, seguro he cambiado. Me han pasado tantas cosas en estos últimos 5 años, que no sabría ni por donde empezar. Y empezar es lo más dificil de todo, cada proyecto toma distintas direcciones, y se divide en otras y en otras y asi sucesivamente, hasta que olvidamos el porqué iniciamos esos proyectos. Empezar sobre todo en algo nuevo, trabajar en un nuevo lugar, estudiar en una nueva universidad, amar de nuevo a alguien diferente, todos los comienzos requieren una energía extra, un empuje, una fuerza externa que haga que todo continúe. He empezado tantas veces, y he termiado también el mismo número, no con la misma energía, ni con el mismo motivo que esperé, ni con las mismas fuerzas, ni con la misma visión. Seguro he cambiado, en algunos aspectos para bien, en otros... para mal. Pero creo que hasta para las mariposas que aún no vuelan, hasta para las lluvias que aún no han caído, el cambio no siempre será lo que uno espera, pero seguro será algo que nos hará llegar al siguiente paso. Ni siquiera se si vale la pena escribir de esto, o preguntarme de que tan importante es el cambio, o el tiempo, y aún así, perder el tiempo o no, sigo pensando en estas cosas, y sigo tratando de encontrar las respuestas en el cielo, o en un arcoiris, en una mirada, en un abrazo, y trato de unir todo para encontar un sentido de vivir.

"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.”

My Art Work... enjoy!

"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.”

Donde?

Donde están los soles eternos, los cielos infinitos, Los mares inocentes, las noches estrelladas?
Donde...?
Donde están los sueños?
Donde están aquellos lugares perfectos?
Donde están los recuerdos
De aquellos hermosos momentos?
Donde esta la magia
De la lluvia en el verano, del amor?
Donde esta todo lo que guarda el corazón?
Vacio…
Negro como el abismo
Con aire y gravedad
Con pura soledad… y dolor.

"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.”

A reminder...

If I get old,

I will not give in

But if I do, remind me of this.

Remind me that,

once I was free,
Once I was cool,

once I was me.

And if I sat down,

and crossed my arms,

Hold me into, this song.

Knock me out, smash out my brains,

If I take a chair, start to talk shit.....

If I get old, remind me of this:
That night we kissed, and I really meant it.

Whatever happens, if we're still speaking.

Pick up the phone, play me this song.

"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.”

To One in Paradise

TO ONE IN PARADISE.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THOU wast that all to me, love,
For which my soul did pine —

A green isle in the sea, love,

A fountain and a shrine,

All wreathed with fairy fruits and flowers,

And all the flowers were mine.
Ah, dream too bright to last!

Ah, starry Hope! that didst arist
But to be overcast!

A voice from out the Future cries,

"On! on!" — but o'er the Past

(Dim gulf!) my spirit hovering lies

Mute, motionless, aghast !

For, alas! alas! with me

The light of Life is o'er!

No more — no more — no more —

(Such language holds the solemn sea

To the sands upon the shore)

Shall bloom the thunder-blasted tree,

Or the stricken eagle soar!

And all my days are trances,

And all my nightly dreams

Are where thy grey eye glances,

And where thy footstep gleams —

In what ethereal dances,

By what eternal streams.

"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.”

Aleksej Cvelov - Russian Expressionism

Oh how I feel the same as the pictures sometimes...

"Autobiography"

"Mother"

"Suicide"

"Dying girl"

"Vision of Mars 2"

"You are Mine"

"7 years"

"Portrait"

"Smoking girl in yellow"

"Pianist"

"tabacco-ghoust"

"The road contrary to the sky"

"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.”

Favorite song ever... Take you on a Cruise - Interpol, favorite band of all times...

I'm timeless like a broken watch,I make money like Fred Astaire. I see that you've come to resist me, I'm a pitbull in time. The pretence is not what restricts me,It's the circles inside. The anatomy of kisses and a teacher who tries,Who knows how we'll disappear. Would you like to be my missus,And in future with child? You know that we can't get back from here.We can get away. Baby don't you try to find me.Baby don't you try to fight. Baby don't you try to find me.Baby, it will be all right. Along the way...Tears drown in the wake of delight. There's nothing like this built today.You'll never see a finer ship in your life.We sail todayTears drown in the wake of delight.There's nothing like this built todayYou'll never see a finer shipOr receive a better tip in your life.I am the scavenger...Between the sheets of union.Lately I can't tell for sure,whether machines turn anyone.I am the scavenger...Between the sheets of union.Lately I can't tell for sure,If the machines turn anyone.Lady don't you try to find me.Lady there is no need to fight.Lady don't you try to find me.Baby it will be all right.We sail today...Tears will drown in the wake of delight.There's nothing like this built today.You'll never see a finer ship in your life.Along the way...The sea will crowd us with lovers at night.There's nothing like this built today.You'll never see a finer ship,Or receive a better tip in your life.I see that you've come to resist me...I'm a pitbull in time.White Goddess, Red Goddess,Black temptress of the sea, you treat me right.Black Goddess, Red Goddess,White temptress of the sea, you treat me right.Oh my love we are sailing to NorwayOh my love we're leaving tonight.

"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.”

Memorable Concert Posters

"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.”

A veces

A veces me levanto y pienso en todas esas cosas que me dan miedo. A veces quisiera no sentir esa inseguridad. A veces no quisiera sentir fragilidad de perderlo todo. A veces solo pienso... A veces siento volar directo al precipicio, siento volar de regreso al cielo, siento la brisa del mar siento el relampago de la tormenta, siento el sol brillar, tan seguro, tan persistente, sin dudar... A veces solo pienso... En ti... A veces no quisiera ver mis lagrimas, a veces no quisiera llorar por dentro, quisiera evitarme la molestia de explicar lo que siento. Decir mil palabras o entenderlo todo con una mirada... Hacer mil preguntas o esperar las respuestas... Decir lo que pienso, o pensar lo que digo... naturalidad o perfeccion... soñar o ser realista... impulsos o control... esperar... o no esperar...

Night is heavy

Night is heavy
As the moon goes by

From north to south
Throughout the sky
*
Night is heavy
And my heart is too
Like golden ice
Like million miles
*
Night is heavy
And my mind is too
Because of your memory
Because I´m a fool
*
Night is heavy
And It´s dark and blue
And It has these eyes
These bleeding eyes
*
Night is heavy
And my feet are too
And my face is full of sorrow

Because there is no tomorrow
*
Night is heavy
As the moon goes by
From north no south

Throughout the sky

Little details...

Sunset: Guatemala City, january 2009.

There´s a glimpse in the sky today, no birds are flying, no stars are shining.

Blue Sky: Guatemala City, january 2009, before sun sets.

There is no moon in the sky tonight, no shooting stars, not even butterflies...

Ixtapa, April 2009

Sometimes you have to look closer, you have to look deeper and if you need, you have to look twice... Somethings in life can be seen without your eyes, can be heard without your ears...

Sand Creature: Ixtapa, april 2009.

And in the silense of a summer day, in the silence of a winter night, on a lonely road and all through the dark... life has a meaning.

San Diego California Metro station: december 2006.

Sunset boulevard, California: december 2006.

California Church, december 2006.

San Francisco Bay, december 2006.

Antioch Sky, december 2006.

San Francisco Bay, december 2006.

It´s you!

I start to feel the cold in my hands
sweat falling from my head
I feel my beating going faster
It´s you I´m lacking

My brain is going crazy
going round and round unknowing places
I feel my body trembling
Its you I´m missing baby

I can´t control my thoughts
they take me to distant shores
I can´t control I´m crashing
It´s you I´m lacking

My ears hear unsaid words
My eyes see unreal things
My heart feels so alone
Don you see its you I need?

I feel I´m going crazy
I´m just standing in the edge
If I don´t have you by my side
My world its coming down.

You are my limit
You are my only way to be ok.
You are the dream that keeps me awake
From all the nightmares, from all the rain.

You are my tranquilizer
You are my antidote
You are the only drug
I completely adore

Stop

Stop now
I can´t seem to catch my breath
I’m flying far away
In the distance in the air
Just to have you in my head
I´ve been thinking you in secret
I´ve been watching all of you
When you are looking at the floor
When you are looking at the sun

In heaven or in hell
I swear I’ve never felt
the stars so close at night
when you look into my eyes.

Stop now
Don´t keep me from your arms
I want to tell you this
So there’s no more to keep
I smell your smell
Whenever you walk around
It keeps me satisfied
It keeps me satisfied.

In heaven or in hell
I swear I’ve never felt
The way I do right now...
Truly alive.

In heaven or in hell
I swear I’ve never felt
The stars crashing in me
When you look into my eyes.

I am your new slave in the night
When I wake when I fall
When I fall to the ground
I swear my love
I´d give you my heart
If you only let me
If you only let me
I love you so
I really do.

In heaven or in hell
I swear my love to tell
You are my destiny
You are my final way.

Addiction

Addiction
Is all I have for you
For your blood, for your lips
For the warmth of your kiss
All through the gates
And all through the ways
Shows no mercy you show no shame
Because I’m dying for your hands
To rip your skin and have you mine
To take your breath until the end
To be the one you could possessed.
And take your heart with my own hand
And soan it here with mine
To make you feel the way I feel
So addicted so in need
So addicted to your being.
Addiction
Is all I have for you
For your eyes for your words
For the beauty of your touch.
All through the dark
And all through the dawn
You have me yours you have me all yours
To melt your hands next to my hair
To kiss you now and in the shells
To make the ravens fly in day
Where they would die to see your face
Where they would die to make you stay
Where they would die to tell you when
Every time they fly I need you by my side
And every time they die I’m crying in the night
And I´ve never been so serious
Never been so truth
That I´ll die to make you stay.
I´ll die to make you stay.

Dream

One day I woke up, and felt the air was warmer and lighter. I thought I was dreaming, but then I left the bed and walked to the window. I saw the sun closer and bigger, all the trees were greener and the sky was pink. I thought I was dreaming, but then I heard a sound that was coming from the door, and I saw a bird eating the flowers of the roof, the bird was blue and it was bluer than usual, he had black wings and red eyes, they starred at me when I opened the door, and when it cracked, he left flying to the horizon. I tryed to follow the bird, but I couldn´t catch him. He was too fast, too precise. When I realized, I was no longer home. I was at the ocean and my feet where inside white sand, I felt a great happiness I can´t describe, the ocean was deeper and colder, and I could almost fall sleep again by the sound of the waves, they were crashing in the shore so beautifully that I thought it was a dream. Then, far in the distance, I saw a creature, he had milky white skin, black hair, big veins in his arms, clean hands, a feeling not even the universe could describe. He smelled like hunny and tulips, he had this eyes... like an explosive star, a voice of thousands of arps and violins playing at the same time. When he was getting closer, I woke up...

I sleep every night praying to have that dream again.
Nothing never felt so real, nothing ever was so clear.

I am feeling very warm right now

Please don't disappear

I am spacing out with you

You are the most beautiful entity that I HAVE ever dreamed of

At night I will protect you in your dreams

I will be your angel

You worry so much about not having enough time together

It makes no difference to me

I would be happy with just one minute in your arms

Let's have an extended play together

You're telling me that we live to far to love each otherBut

OUR love can stretch further than the eye can see

So how does THIS make you feel?

Do you know THAT when you look at me It is a salvation

I've been waiting for you FOR so long

I can drive on that road forever

I wish you could exist to live on my planet

Well it's very hard for me to say these things in your presence

So how does THIS make you feel?